Something for everyone

After my last post, my sister sent me a link to where you can search “pregnant” and have over 16 thousand different designs on 284,000 products displayed. If you like shirts with things written on them, this is the place to shop. I don’t agree with every sentiment, but the humor here was much better than the shirts found at Amazon.

There are shirts for expectant dads, expectant grandparents, expectant aunts and uncles, and expectant older siblings. There are shirts for “paper pregnancies” – those awaiting adoption (even expectant paper pregnancy grandparent shirts). There are pro-breastfeeding shirts, pro-homebirth shirts, pro-vegetarian shirts and other pro-whatever lifestyle shirts.

Some of my favorites (not necessarily that I would wear, but that I find amusing):

This Is What Happens When You Party Naked

Do Not Taunt the Cranky Pregnant Woman

Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?

Yes, Actually, I Did Swallow a Watermelon
Watermelon Smuggler
No words on this one, just a funny graphic

It’s Not Over Until the Fat Lady Screams (for dads)

My Husband Came Home From Afghanistan, and All I Got Was Pregnant
See What Deployment Does

I Am Not a Budda, Do Not Rub My Belly
Back Away From the Bump
Hands Off the Belly

Yes, I’m Pregnant. It’s a Boy/Girl. I’m Due in May/June/July.

Yes, I’m Pregnant Again. Yes, I Know What Causes It. No, I Don’t Have Too Many.

What Happens in Las Vegas Doesn’t Always Stay in Las Vegas

I’m Pregnant…What’s Your Excuse?

Designated Driver (aka Knocked Up)

Maternity T-Shirts I Won’t be Wearing

Cris kindly recommended the Bella Band, an item I think I’m going to have to get for now and for later. It would be nice to have more than, say, two pairs of pants that fit me at any given moment.

While browsing Amazon, they had all sorts of links to maternity t-shirts that just may interest someone who would be buying a Bella Band. Somebody…but not me. Let’s see…

Knocked Up (and the model looks really happy about it too)

Contraception Malfunction (I guess because there’s no way she’d ruin that hot bod willingly)

Oops! I Did It Again (So sorry, world, I didn’t mean to have another baby)

Pregnant (Not Fat) (I do sympathize, but it just seems so vain to have to announce it like that. I prefer having my kids say it – and they do.)

Morning Sickness: Making Hangovers Seem Pleasant (In other words: I’m not fat, I’m pregnant)

Not Pregnant: Just Had a Baby (In other words: I’m not pregnant, I’m fat – I don’t need this one because I think the newborn glued to snuggled at my breast 24/7 says it for me)

Budda Belly: Rub My Belly For Good Luck (But I would like one that says: Warning: Raging hormones may make this pregnant woman slug you in the face if you dare touch any part of her overly sensitive body even if you happen to be 6 years old and flesh of her flesh)

Coming This Fall (This is actually kind of cute, but what if the next baby is due in the spring? Just not very practical.)

Future MILF (I had to look this term up – I’m so behind the times. And I’m really not, uh, crass (?) enough to wear that.)

Sex Ed Dropout (Ooo, and proud of it!)

And my favorite: the mudflap girl (you know, the one you see on tractor-trailers) with a big belly (ye-haw)

Here are a few that I might consider:

Highly Emotional (a nice reminder to that husband is who is so used to your big belly he forgets about those dangerous hormones that threaten your sanity)

Fertile Goddess (but the woman in the photo doesn’t look pregnant, just well endowed)

Made Love Not War (Yes! Need this for my next sit-in!)

And these are too political for me, but I admire the strong women who would dare admit that it takes a man and a woman to have a baby, or that the blob of tissue growing inside is really a boy or a girl.

Today’s agenda

More vomiting, so more laundry and hair holding and the spraying of Lysol. I feel like I’m blogging about vomiting a lot. (I’d link, but that’s too much work.) I feel like everybody else is blogging about vomiting too. (Again, I’d link, but that’s work, and you know who you are anyway.)

It’s Katie this time. In her bed. I pulled everything out and half of it is in the washing machine right now. Her room still stinks, and I want to faint when I walk by it. I don’t know what I missed, but it will have to wait until Jenny wakes up.

I don’t know why, but my kids seems compelled to wake me up between the hours of 3 and 4 am recently. I can’t get back to sleep after that. Today, unlike yesterday, my afternoon is clear, so my top priority for later just may be taking a nap. No, I mean my top priority definitely is taking a nap.

I’d rather shop for a bathing suit…

…than shop for maternity clothes.

I do have some maternity clothes, but they all look so BIG. I’ve been avoiding them. One by one, my regular clothes had either become too small or just looked plain ridiculous on me. So, I would dig into my big purple bin where I store a variety of clothes for every season in sizes ranging from 6 to 16 (because after gaining 45 pounds with every pregnancy, I do wear a size 16, even if it’s only for a month or so) and would pull out another, bigger size (but still not maternity), and would manage for a little bit longer.

But last week, my choices were diminishing in the summer fashions. Even Bill’s clothes were too tight in the waist (why did I fall in love with a skinny man?) or too big in the shoulder making me look like…I was wearing my husband’s clothes. If it were fall, I think I could go another month or so, but with lightweight clothing, I was left with a stack of maternity clothes that I just couldn’t bear to wear yet.

Besides being too big, they are old, too. I don’t think any of them were bought new by me. And I’ve had most of them with every pregnancy, so I estimated that they are mostly at least ten years old. I’m not big into following the latest fashions and hottest trends, but…I do like to look decent. I really do want to avoid looking dowdy.

Bill came home at a reasonable hour on Friday, and I took advantage of this to head to the mall alone. I think I tried on every outfit in the store. First, I put on a pair of khaki capri pants and a maroon, empire waist knit top (the kind even non-pregnant women seem to be wearing nowadays). I looked in the mirror and with a depressed and exasperated internal voice remarked that I

To which the intelligent, practical, common-sense woman buried deep within that prideful, vain, emotional basket case staring at the mirror responded, “Duh! You are pregnant!”

And then I laughed at myself and stopped focusing on not looking pregnant and instead on looking attractive.

You know, like a well-dressed hippo.

Most ludicrous is the bald-faced lie these stores tell pregnant women: buy your pre-pregnancy size. Yeah, right. Most first-time moms probably go shopping when they are barely showing. They put that tiny pillow under the clothes and think they look so cute. They go home with a nice collection of things that will work for that season. By the time the weather changes, those clothes are getting really tight and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t matter because they need new things for the new season anyway.

I bought size mediums, which is basically what I would be wearing if I weren’t pregnant. But I know that by August, they will be stretched to the max. That’s OK. I’ve got those BIG clothes just waiting for me. I’m set.

And as if to prove that new clothing “makes” a woman, an old friend drove down on Saturday morning from Pennsylvania to spend the weekend. Her kids came into the house, but she was loitering at the car collecting a few necessities. I walked out to greet her, and when she turned around, she looked surprised. “Oh, you look so skinny! I thought you’d be bigger by now!”

Dear, dear friend, I can’t wait to see you again next month!

Tasty Tuesday

Since I’m moving halfway across the country in one month, I’m trying to use up things lingering in my freezer, refrigerator and pantry. Recently I’d been eyeing a second bag of frozen cranberries that I had gotten “just in case” for Thanksgiving dinner and never used. I found a recipe online, altered it a bit to avoid another trip to the grocery store, and made this yummy Cranberry Almond Bread. I’m eating the last of the first loaf right now for breakfast. The other loaf is in the freezer, and I’m debating whether to eat it all myself or share the love.

Angie is hosting the Tasty Tuesday recipe exchange blog party. She’s even offering a prize to a random winner if you participate! Stop on over and check out the other recipes.

Justice and forgiveness

I wholly applaud this man’s forgiveness of the drunken driver who killed half his family.

I also wholly applaud the humble and contrite way in which the driver seems to be dealing with the mess he made: pleading guilty, apologizing, recognizing that his words are hollow, expressing gratitude to the man who forgives him.

And I wholly applaud the judge who sentenced the man to 10 years despite the victim’s apparent belief that the man should go free.

The prosecutor’s argument for sentencing:

“In this situation the state must look beyond the feelings only of the individuals who are most directly impacted by this event,” Fisher told the judge. “Society has an interest in what is done beyond the feelings of the victims.”

Forgiveness should not mean walking away from justice. This is not one man’s crime against another man. This is one man’s crime against society by breaking its laws. He owes society a debt that must be repaid, and we have chosen prison time as an acceptable punishment (which I prefer to hanging, or flogging). I would hope that I could be as forgiving as the victim in this case. But I would also expect and desire justice, which is a concept greater than one individual is capable of meting in this situation.

8 Things About Me Meme

I was tagged by Rosemary to list 8 things about me. I suppose I ought to avoid the obvious ones (I’m Catholic, I homeschool, I’m a military dependant)?

1. I have a difficult time answering the question, “Where are you from originally?” I was born in Cleveland, but didn’t stay there long. I attended four different elementary schools in two different states, but I wasn’t a military brat or the child of a corporate jet-setter. We just moved.

2. I suppress, sometimes not very well, an aggressive, argumentative, sarcastic, cynical, my-way-or-the-highway, stubborn, and highly-opinionated personality.

3. Although the color red complements my complexion, it does not complement my personality. It accents all the personality traits listed in #2, so I avoid it. I’m sure pink would look nice on me, but I just can’t bring myself to wear that color either. I will wear lavender or sage, but I mainly prefer navy and tan and various shades of blue.

4. In an effort to combat those personality traits listed in #2, I have developed a neutral facial expression and tone of voice and have programmed non-committal “mmmm”s and “uh-huh”s and nods of the head into my automated response system. Likely, this has kept me out of prison for assault and battery against a myriad of obnoxious people who hold ridiculous, small-minded, ignorant or offensive opinions. Unfortunately, many people confuse this neutrality with tolerance of their ideas, and I just seem to get more of it.

5. I don’t work as hard as I ought to on #2 or #4 with regard to my husband. He bears the brunt of my aggressive, obnoxious, and argumentative personality. Fortunately, he’s a real man, and he can handle me.

6. I look forward to a day when Bill and I (and no children under the age of burdensome) can travel spontaneously and for extended periods of time throughout this country and others to really get a feel for an area.

7. I have no desire to ever work for pay again. I have even less of a desire to get sucked up into a mammoth charitable organization with the same headaches of a real job (bosses, deadlines, meetings, office politics), but no benefit of a cushy paycheck to make it all worthwhile.

8. If I ever use my engineering degree again, I hope it will be for a worthy cause, like building the infrastructure in a Third World country. I can definitely see myself living in South America designing water treatment facilities. Except for the bugs and other creepy-crawlies…I have a serious stumbling block with that part of the plan.

I know lots of people have already done this one, so I tag anybody who feels left out. Leave a note in the comment box if you want to play.