Maternity T-Shirts I Won’t be Wearing

Cris kindly recommended the Bella Band, an item I think I’m going to have to get for now and for later. It would be nice to have more than, say, two pairs of pants that fit me at any given moment.

While browsing Amazon, they had all sorts of links to maternity t-shirts that just may interest someone who would be buying a Bella Band. Somebody…but not me. Let’s see…

Knocked Up (and the model looks really happy about it too)

Contraception Malfunction (I guess because there’s no way she’d ruin that hot bod willingly)

Oops! I Did It Again (So sorry, world, I didn’t mean to have another baby)

Pregnant (Not Fat) (I do sympathize, but it just seems so vain to have to announce it like that. I prefer having my kids say it – and they do.)

Morning Sickness: Making Hangovers Seem Pleasant (In other words: I’m not fat, I’m pregnant)

Not Pregnant: Just Had a Baby (In other words: I’m not pregnant, I’m fat – I don’t need this one because I think the newborn glued to snuggled at my breast 24/7 says it for me)

Budda Belly: Rub My Belly For Good Luck (But I would like one that says: Warning: Raging hormones may make this pregnant woman slug you in the face if you dare touch any part of her overly sensitive body even if you happen to be 6 years old and flesh of her flesh)

Coming This Fall (This is actually kind of cute, but what if the next baby is due in the spring? Just not very practical.)

Future MILF (I had to look this term up – I’m so behind the times. And I’m really not, uh, crass (?) enough to wear that.)

Sex Ed Dropout (Ooo, and proud of it!)

And my favorite: the mudflap girl (you know, the one you see on tractor-trailers) with a big belly (ye-haw)

Here are a few that I might consider:

Highly Emotional (a nice reminder to that husband is who is so used to your big belly he forgets about those dangerous hormones that threaten your sanity)

Fertile Goddess (but the woman in the photo doesn’t look pregnant, just well endowed)

Made Love Not War (Yes! Need this for my next sit-in!)

And these are too political for me, but I admire the strong women who would dare admit that it takes a man and a woman to have a baby, or that the blob of tissue growing inside is really a boy or a girl.

One thought on “Maternity T-Shirts I Won’t be Wearing

  1. Oh, man, I remember seeing those t-shirts advertised …it just made me so mad. How degrading for pregnant women! On the other hand, the Bella band is the BEST….

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