I received an email yesterday that irked me. Perhaps I don’t have the full picture, but it seems to me to be that someone else erred and now a group of us have to pay for it – literally, cash. That’s my perspective.
I wrote a response. I did not mention that I thought it was a self-induced crisis. I explained my moral reasons why I did not fully support the endeavor to begin with (a point on which I had previously been silent). When I was finished, I said to Bill, “I don’t know if I should send this.”
“Does it feel good?” he asked. “Usually if it feels good it means you shouldn’t send it.”
“I never send those,” I replied. “I don’t usually even write those. No, this doesn’t feel good at all.” Gut feelings were not helping here. Sometimes it’s the words we don’t want to say that we really should say. Sometimes we just need to keep our opinions to ourselves.
I read the email to him. “That doesn’t sound bad,” he said.
“Maybe I should wait anyway.”
“Good idea,” he concluded.
So it’s been sitting in my draft folder. And I’ve been waiting for the “reply all”s. I rarely respond “reply all” – and usually only do it if it is requested (“Please reply all with the dish you plan to bring”). But some people always seem to reply all. I’ve been one of 372 people who received an email announcing the birth of a new baby…and had 86 strangers clutter my inbox with reply all: “Congratulations!!” Why? Why do you think you need to let all 371 other people know that you offered your welcoming words? Nobody is keeping track. Nobody cares. Just hit “reply”, not “reply all”. Is it that hard?
So far, no “reply all”s. Although I’m certain few of us want to pay out of pocket to solve the situation, I don’t know how the others view the situation. I’m sure that nobody else shares my moral dilemma, which stems from me not taking the moral high ground 6 months ago. Gut feelings were working well back then, and I pushed them aside, and now I regret it.
I hope it all straightens out–though from what you've said, this won't end well.
I'm with you on “reply all.” While it's great when there's a potluck, I don't need to know most of what I learn from “reply alls.”
Although if you're waiting on a “reply all” before you respond, to scope out the general feeling, someone has to be the first “reply all”….!
Is there someone in the group you know well enough to email and just say “Hey, what do you make of this?” or something like that.
It sounds very frustrating.
Yes, I hate the “reply alls” but even more the reply alls that ALSO include every other message on the thread. Or my MILs forwards of “cute” things for the kids, with 15 forward chains (and all those email addresses) before I get to the picture I'd better show the kids before she asks….
Hang in there. If you feel you need to express your feelings, and you've looked at them calmly later, then maybe you need to send it — reply all or not.
But reply all is appropriate when the group needs to discuss the issue.
That stinks, whatever the situation is.
For what it's worth, I think it's good you didn't send it right away. A few hours to think about it or even a day can help make up your mind.
Sometimes you have to be the first to speak out. It's not always easy or pleasant. Good luck! Hope it gets better.