Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

4: 59 am: After an hour of tossing and turning on the bed, Mary decides it is time to get up.

5:01 am: Check email. Nothing from Bill. Haven’t heard from him in over 32 hours. His last email said something like: “I’m off on a trip. I’ll call when I can. I love you immensely and if this should be the last email you ever get from me, know in your heart that I will always be watching out for you and our precious children.” Or something like that.

5:03 am Put on Pingu for Mary to watch. Brew coffee. Say morning prayers. Read headlines off my iTouch. World has not come to an end while I slept.

5:28 am No email.

5:37 am No email.

5:51 am No email.

6:11 am No email. Get dressed. Lace shoes.

6:19 am Put on Dora DVD for Mary. Consider that she watches too much TV. Conclude that pediatricians who establish such guidelines do not have toddlers who wake up before dawn.

6:22 am Get on treadmill. Ponder whether I should call my mother first with any terrible news and then have her call my sister or if I should call my sister and then have her call my mother. Decide that I would be crying too hard to make any phone calls.

7:10 am The boys are awake, and I tell the girls to get up. Open front blinds. Look outside and check for strange cars with uniformed people inside waiting for signs of life so they can come knocking on my door to deliver bad news. See none.

7: 12 am No email.

7:29 am My watch alarm goes off. “Dad’s thinking about us,” announces Billy for the benefit of those in the next room. I smile, knowing that Bill’s watch alarm is also going off. I wonder, if he were dead, if anybody else would hear the alarm and know what it meant.

“Dad should be calling any minute now,” says Billy.

“No, honey, Dad is traveling. He doesn’t have access to his computer. He’s not going to call this morning.”

7:31 am My Skype ringer goes off. I guess he’s back. And not dead. I answer. I see his face. I smile.

I tell him about looking for a waiting car outside. He smiles and nicely tells me that I’m silly. And that I’m spoiled by daily communication. I agree. I am spoiled. Seeing my husband on the computer or getting emails from him every day is a luxury.

I wish my favorite soldier a happy Veteran’s Day. I suggest he take the rest of the day off to celebrate. Alas, a day off is also a luxury. He can take a day off in January.

Tonight, I tried to do my usual Wednesday night grocery run to the commissary. They closed early due to the holiday. I had long forgotten it was Veteran’s Day. By this evening, it was just Day 134 without my husband.

27 thoughts on “Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

  1. I pray that you don't have any more of those scares.

  2. Michelle,

    I found your blog a few weeks ago, and I really like your writings. You are funny! My husband is also deployed right now, and I now how you feel. I have two little ones, and we are in month 3 of 12 so far… Compared to last time he was deployed, Skype has changed everything. But I don't think you can get “spoiled” by daily communication… and if so, then I like to be spoiled! šŸ˜‰

    Hang in there!

  3. I'm lving that same life right now. Especially the constant checking of the email. I was crushed tonight to get home from church and see that Kerry had tried to skype while we were out. Bleh.

  4. I have no idea how you women cope from day to day while your husbands are deployed. Thanks to your husbands for their service, and thanks to you for yours.


  5. I'm so glad you didn't have to wait all day.

  6. ((hugs))! Hang in there and God Bless and protect!

  7. Prayers Michelle. We prayed all day long for our Veteran's and their families. I can't stand it when Dan doesn't call me on his way home from a late night game (he falls asleep on the wheel), so I can't imagine the angst of not hearing from your dh in a warzone for 32 hours+.

  8. I am not all sentimental and crybabyish, but this one got me tearing up this morning. I have been thinking about how lucky I am that I can see my hubs every night and all weekend. I never NEVER take it for granted (because I know how quickly he could be taken away by illness, deployment, death). I'm thinking, so much, about you and your family lately. Praying for you all!

  9. I'm glad you were able to get that call so “early” in the day. I cannot imagine what it was like before email, knowing that each letter you got might have been received after something had happened to them. Email and reliable phone service made Gary's last deployment so much better.

    I think only another military wife could understand the looking out the window. The constant wondering. Our thoughts are with you, the kids, and, of course, Bill.

  10. Oh, you got me all teary eyed with that post. Well written! You put my little troubles in perspective today.

    Happy Veteran's Day to your husband and all our soldiers.

    Jessica A.

  11. May God bless our troops, your husband and you! I will remember you all in my rosary and at adoration. Stay strong. I know that you do.

  12. God Bless you for being as strong as you are – and God Bless your support group for helping you to stay that way!

    We pray for all of you every day and you all are always on our minds.

    I hope the e-mail I sent you will give you a chuckle & ease your day.



  13. Do you find it gets worse at it gets closer to the time he's due home? I think the last month or so was always the worst.

    You know there are many of us praying for you, Bill and the kids…i hope in some small way it helps!

  14. Just found your blog through Danielle Bean. Praying for you and your family. Thank you and your husband for your service to our country. I am grateful. God bless.

  15. Just discovered your blog through Danielle Bean. My husband is a reservist and getting ready to take his 3rd, year-long “trip” in January, just when yours will be returning. So glad I stumbled on your blog!! Because mine is in the reserves, we do not live anywhere near a big base, nor do we have a large military support system. Thankfully, we have lots of friends and a huge, helpful church family. But it's hard for people to relate. God Bless your husband, and I'm glad your worry was for naught.

  16. Yep, an average day in the life of a military wife isn't it? I've gotten so that every time I hear a car door shut I listen for two more. Officer, CA guy, chaplain. If I hear less than three, I don't react. Three doors and I allow about 15 seconds for a doorbell to ring, and then my heart starts again. And the whole process is so routine I listen without even pausing with what I'm doing. (I also realize there may only be two people coming to my door, but if you tell me so, I'll stick my fingers in my ears and start humming :)) And God bless the inventor of Skype!

  17. Oh Michelle. You and your hubby are in my prayers daily. Thank you for your sacrifice. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Here's to January!

  18. Ugh, you had me holding my breath. The guys in Class As don't come until 10 am if that helps…so grateful that you heard from him!

  19. Every time you write about your husband's deployment my eyes well up with tears. My mother went through the same thing with my father. I was just a child at the time and didn't really get it. Even now, with a husband and family of my own, I know that I still will never really understand what ladies like yourself go through. I can only empathize and pray.

  20. I'm thinking of you and the kids all the time. I'm glad you are able to “see” Bill every day or so. My eyes well up with tears when I read this too. God bless all of you and Happy Veteran's day. Hope we can catch up soon.

    Love, Lena

  21. Those hours are rough, aren't they? Praying for you all.

  22. i wont begin to pretend to know what you are going through, but know that you guys are in our family prayers. i really want billy to return so we can go back to having our special, secret rendezvous.

  23. I can not imagaine how this time away from your husband must be. You are in my daily prayers~ along with your beautiful children and of course, your husband. God Bless you!

  24. just found your blog recently, just wanted to let you know that you and your family is in my prayers esp your husband.
    Also, I notice you mentioned comissionary, I know overseas comissionary they take expired coupons, wonder if the ones here do, I am more than happy to send coupons to help out in any way.
    God bless!

  25. I pray not only for you, but for all military families who have a spouse deployed. I remember my mother telling me about my uncle, who was an Air Force Pilot in Vietnam. He carried pills with him, just “in case” he got kidnapped by the Vietnamese. That scared the heck out of me when I was a young teen. It still gives me goose bumps when I think about it. I don't know how military wives live with the stress of not knowing when they will hear from their husbands again. I pray your husband comes home safely.

  26. MM – I'm pretty sure the commissary does not accept expired coupons. Thank you, though.

    All, I hate to leave this post up on top for forever, but my computer is dead. It might be a week before I am back online fully. Thank goodness, my husband bought me an iTouch last year so I can check email. And thank goodness, the computer is under warranty. Have a great week.

  27. Wow… I'm so glad he's alright. Peace be with you. I was feeling your anxiety through the computer! Been there… but it was so different back then (2003) because Chris and I had no email contact, nor any phone contact. Handwritten letters that took 4 weeks each way was all we had.
    It's good that now there's Skype and email and such. Months and months of no contact is not a good thing.

    Bless you, dear lady. You are a brave soldier in your own right.

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