Today was a crappy day. Literally.

First, the dog went to the bathroom on the treadmill. This is not the first time. The first time, I felt bad for her. The second time, I felt bad for me. A friend called while I was in the middle of cleaning it up that second time and asked me how my day was going. When I told her what I was doing, she laughed excessively and thanked me for making her feel better. No matter how bad her day was, at least she wasn’t sanitizing her treadmill. I was so glad to provide such a day-brightening service for her.

This was the third time, and I did take her out before putting her on the treadmill, and she went. Then she loitered. I should have known she was loitering with a purpose. My 4 year old does the exact same thing. But I hustled her in, and then later paid for my impatience.

About an hour later, I heard Mary up from her nap, but she wasn’t calling to be rescued. Now I know, I know, I know that if a toddler plays happily in her crib after awakening from a good, long nap, it is a sure sign that she has a stinky diaper. Guaranteed. I’ve been dealing with toddlers for a decade now, and this is just the way it is.

But I was trying to get everybody organized and out the door for errands, and was just thankful she didn’t need my attention while I took care of things. When I finally told everybody to “Saddle up!” I went in to get her. Oh. My.

If I ever have grandchildren, I will hand back stinky babies to their parents.

And I will not own pets.

I’m pooped. Literally.