Monthly Archives: February 2008

02.15.08
by

Top Ten Conservative Catholic Pickup Lines

My friend emailed me this list. I’ve seen it elsewhere, but still think it’s funny the second time around.

Top Ten Conservative Catholic Pickup Lines

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

8. Sorry, but I couldn’t help notice how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

6. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

5. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

3. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

1. Confess here often?

** Update: I think I loaned my copy to my sister, so I can not confirm. But my memory tells me that I first saw this list in The Bad Catholic’s Guide to Good Living.

**Update again: yes, page 47.

02.15.08
by

It’s not the screaming I mind, it’s the pain

I brushed and combed Katie’s hair this morning. As usual, I was as gentle as I could be. As usual, she cried crocodile tears and screamed and whimpered and yelped her way through the ordeal. I know I was the exact same way when I was her age, and I remind myself of that the entire time I brush her hair. It’s the only thing that keeps me from being completely disgusted by her behavior.

This evening, after dinner, she asked me, “Mommy, when you had Mary, did you scream the way I did this morning when you brushed my hair?”

“When I had Mary it hurt much worse than having your hair brushed. I screamed much more than that.”

“Oh. Then I’m not having children because I don’t like to scream.”

This is fine for now. Should she get married, though, I’ll be sure to explain everything she needs to know about epidurals.

02.14.08
by

Craft Day

The baby had three shots Monday afternoon. “Fussy” is a vast understatement in describing her mood Monday night through this morning. “It’s no wonder you have tendonitis,” said Bill as he played the role of baby-crib so I could get dinner on the table yesterday. Yes.

Before I had even had my coffee this morning, the girls were hard at work making Valentine’s Day cards. Bill and his school chums have a fine motto: Embrace the suck. (Sorry, men in the military are not well known for polite language.) That’s what I did today. I embraced. I did crafts. All.day.long.
I will not have another craft day for at least a year.
Here’s the scene of destruction. Note the math book on the floor. I managed to squeeze in a few lessons.

The piano was used for finished pieces needing to dry. Poor beat up piano.

As I was making dinner, Bill asked if the kids were supposed to be clearing the table. “Honey, even I don’t know where to start in there.” It was overwhelming. If I liked arts and crafts I would get organized, but since I don’t like messes, I don’t like arts and crafts, so I don’t get organized, so the messes are bigger, so I hate arts and crafts more…
I’m saving it all for when I’m a grandma. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
I thought I heard Katie telling Fritz something about no school tomorrow, and sure enough, he asked me before he went to bed if we were having it. I had to disappoint him. Despite Katie’s idea that Valentine’s Day is a big deal, I see no reason to take the day off. The poor martyred priest. Little did he know he’d end up the patron saint of greeting cards.
02.12.08
by

Good news

The last time I had my cholesterol checked was in 1995, and a nurse-friend of mine intimated recently that I was being vaguely irresponsible in not checking it more regularly. I hate having blood drawn.

Back in 1995, I regularly obtained meals from the fast food drive-through. I was a working woman, and five days a week, I ate a hot lunch off some menu somewhere. On the weekends, my not-yet-husband and I ate out more often than not. Breakfast at a Jersey diner was routine, and I didn’t even glance at the “heart-healthy” choices.

I can’t remember the exact number, but I think my total cholesterol was about 94. Yes, that’s a two-digit number.

I thanked God and good genes and decided that I was just “blessed” in this regard. I rested assured on the matter for more than ten years. Then over the last year or so, I’d have an occasional nagging doubt. What if there was a mistake? What if the results were inaccurate for some reason? I have convinced myself that no matter how many Big Macs I eat, no matter how often I partake in covered and smothered potatoes, my cholesterol will naturally remain low, but what if I’m wrong? I could be a heart attack waiting to happen, and I don’t even know it.

Finally, the friend’s chastisement convinced me to just do it already. I’m older now, and these levels tend to go up as we age. Sure enough, mine did. To 117.

So, I’m thanking God and god genes, praying the kids take after me and not their dad, and making a mental note to check my cholesterol levels again. Like in ten years.

02.11.08
by

Betwixt them both

“When you blog about our Lenten diet…” he begins.

When? I wasn’t planning on it…

“…you should mention the rhyme about Jack Sprat.”

“Mm. But it’s backwards. ‘The wife could eat no lean.’ You are the one not eating lean. Right?”

Bill is not eating starches: bread, pasta, potato, rice. He’s not supposed to anyway. They send his triglycerides through the roof and reduce his good cholesterol to an insignificant amount. It’s the Atkins diet for life – a healthy, but miserable life with no lasagna or pizza or (gasp!) beer. Generally he does this diet for Lent, and then he adds back beer and then an occasional pizza dinner, and then by autumn, he’s eating starch in some form most days. By Christmas, he’s eating very poorly, and can’t wait to begin Lent and start all over again.

For Lent, I gave up meat. We’re eating loads of fruits and veggies here.

“Noooo. The lean is the meat.”

“But there’s fat in meat. So the ‘fat’ must be meat and the lean something else.”

“Harumph.” Or something like that was his concluding remark.

I sat thinking about Jack Sprat and his wife licking the platter clean. What the heck was lean anyway? Bloody nursery rhymes…

A few minutes go by. He interrupts my thoughts.

“I’m not interested in arguing with you. But you’re wrong. The lean is the meat.”

And he doesn’t say it, but I can see the really big PERIOD at the end of his statement. For the record, I wasn’t arguing, I was thinking out loud. He was right; lean does refer to the meat part of meat and the fat refers to the fat part of meat, if that makes any sense.

And then he said something about giving up yes-dearing me for Lent which I guess means he’s going to be telling me I’m wrong with a big don’t-argue-with-me period at the end.

Yes, dear.

02.09.08
by

Trees and prayer journals

Matilda and Melissa have their cute lambs. I have a tree. We’re adding a leaf per person per day if we’re good little boys and girls (and the term is loosely applied).

Note that brown paint, folks. We had no brown paint, but I made do with purple and yellow. I suppose I do have a crafty trick or two up my sleeve when necessary.

I got the tree idea from The Forty Days of Lent from the Celebrating the Faith in the Home series. I love these books. I own them all and have gifted them out. If you need a resource with good ideas for making the Church seasons real for yourself and your children including the research as to why we Catholics do the things we do, these are the books for you.

I’ve a lot of thoughts in my head this Lent, and I’m trying to sort these ideas out. Such heavy concepts and I feel like there is an elusive lightbulb moment. I read a bit here or a bit there and they all seem interconnected, but I’m not getting it. Yet.

Four years ago, I took a blank book and labeled it the Reitemeyer Family Prayer Journal. We began listing things for which we were thankful and things for which we were praying. We did it for three whole days. But I kept the book, and have decided to use it for my Lenten reflections. Maybe in a few weeks some of these random thoughts will make more sense. I hope.

It’s a shame that we didn’t keep that book up. I enjoyed remembering our prayers from years ago. We prayed for healing for a man with cancer. He has since died, so I remembered to pray for his soul. We were praying for my sister’s move (that was three moves ago). She assured me today that her memories of that move were that all went well. We listed being grateful that Bill was home from his deployment. But my absolute favorite prayer was:

In thanksgiving for…fond and selective memories.

Amen.

02.08.08
by

Life’s messes

On Monday the temperature hit the mid 60s. That meant that my house became an island amidst a sea of mud. It is very icky here on warm days. Here is the bathtub after I washed some boots. Gross.

Just for your information, do not take the wet linings out of muddy boots and put them in your dryer. Do not let the whimpers and whines of four children who see all their friends off school and sledding across the street convince you that a half hour in the dryer will make everybody much happier. Those linings are filthy, and will coat the inside of your dryer with a thin veneer of mud. More gross.

At dinner, I told the kids, “Kids, your father has given up losing his temper for Lent. This means you all must give up annoying behavior.”

The response? “But we already gave up TV!”

Peter, who did not give up TV, has no excuse then for this.

02.07.08
by

Catholic Carnival 158

Sarah, the Snoring Scholar, is hosting the latest Catholic Carnival, and I finally got off my duff and put something in.

7″ of snow delayed Bill’s school day, and he didn’t get home until after the late Mass tonight. I love God, but I don’t love the idea of dragging 6 children through snow covered streets and sitting through an hour plus Mass with no help, so no ashes for us. Mea culpa.

02.06.08
by

Have a blessed Lent

Last year, I turned off comments during Lent, and I really think that helped me to ignore the computer during the day. It’s hard to ignore the computer since it is in a high traffic location and is right next to the kitchen where I spend the majority of my non-school hours. There it is, humming away, as I measure ingredients or scrub pots. The little alert tone taunts me as I nurse the baby on the couch telling me I have mail, who could it be? Come see! Come see!

So, I’m turning off comments for the duration. In fact, I plan to turn off the computer at night and leave it off for as much of the day as possible. I’ll still be blogging, but I need to spend some extra time thinking, and reading, and praying. As always, my email address is in the sidebar, and I’d be happy to hear from you that way.

I hope you have a blessed Lent. I pray that we may all draw closer to God and, through Him, to each other in perfect charity.