Yes, that’s right.
My previous post in which I defend my desire to breastfeed my child, I stated that I don’t think the “issue” of bottle feeding versus breastfeeding is a moral one. I really don’t think it should be an “issue” at all. In fact, I think the real issue is that it is an issue.
I think breastfeeding is the natural choice. I think it is the healthiest choice. I think it is worth the initial difficulties.
But I don’t think we mothers need any more pressure.
I’m pro-homeschooling, but do not feel mothers who send their children to schools are bad mothers.
I’m pro-cloth diapering, but don’t think mothers who use disposable ones are bad either. That’s mainly because I use disposable diapers. Every so often I feel really guilty about that, but that is ridiculous.
I’m pro-daily family rosaries, but, again, I fall short of that ideal. Again, there is guilt. Again, I remind myself to be realistic.
Since that comment was left anonymously, I can not ascertain whether the author intended to pressure me into giving up breastfeeding. I like to assume, rather, that the intent was to ease any guilt I feel about giving my child a bottle. And I do feel guilt. And it is ridiculous.
Jill directed me to Danielle Bean’s latest article at Inside Catholic which touches on the problem of how we women can help or hurt each other:
While it’s true that no one can tear apart a vulnerable woman quite like another woman, it is equally true that no one can build up and encourage a vulnerable woman quite like another woman. We can’t ever truly know another’s plight and particular challenges. It’s important to stand up for the truth, and there is a place for admonishing the sinner, but that never means using others’ weaknesses and vulnerabilities to feed our own egos.
Ultimately, it really, truly doesn’t matter how we feed our babies (or how they get their education, or if they wear cloth diapers, or if they say the rosary every day). What matters is that we love them and care for them and raise them to the best of our abilities.
As Danielle said: Let’s encourage one another.
Reit This Way 
Whoa! I’m just now seeing where this discussion has gone. Crazy.Michelle, you’re a beautiful woman and a good mother. You have no idea how much I admire you for interpreting that person’s comment charitably. It struck me the same way it did you. And if she did mean any harm, your reaction in love only furthers your own sanctity and benefits us. Thank you!And I totally agree, this is not a moral issue. I suppose it can be in a particular context (in which case only God and the particular mother would know), but certainly not in general.
Thanks for the quote…I was just sitting here thinking about how mean and vicious women can be. I’m being torn to peices by some ladies at the momment, and feeling totally alone. I know there are moments when I’m comforted and supported…but the negative feelings usually carry more potency than the positive. I suppose that’s why we try so hard to seek out those who are more like minded. It sure feels a lot nicer to be around those who agree with you and who are encouraging…verses those who have nothing but critism. (hugs to you and me both)
Michelle, you know I am praying for you both. I’m sending you an email.
Right on, Sistah!
So true. Many women try to tear their fellow “woman” down. It’s a selfish act.When I make a comment (in person or online) I always try to stop and ask, “Is what I am going to say going to help someone, or hurt someone?” It goes along with, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” We all (hopefully) teach our children that — we need to follow our own advice.I guess, like you said, it depends upon the spirit of the message and with written messages we have to be VERY clear that the spirit is received.So, here’s a hug with my message, Michelle, and God bless you and yours. You’re a great mama!
Michelle, I am the person who made the initial anonymous quote. My intention was not to discourage you from breastfeeding (which we all know is best) but to assuage your guilt over buying formula. My initial thought, however, has lead me to another thought about mothering, and that is, when does the “ideology” of a practice or a belief over take the reality of our circumstances? In all honesty, you have described an extremely stressful situation, on top of being a homeschooling mother of five other young children. I can’t help but think that the desire to nurse at all costs is taking a tremendous toll on you and your family life. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. That was not my intention. I too have a large family and I came from a large family as well. I have learned over the years (my children are older than yours), that sometimes you have to bend a little for the sake of the good of the whole. Is it ideal? No, but to loosely quote Chesterson, “let’s not let be perfection be the enemy of the good”.I would hope that as Catholic Christian women we can respectfully disagree with one another. Is that tearing someone down? I would hope not.Peace, Marie
I just re-read my comment and noticed a typo in my Chesterton quote. It should read “let’s not let perfection be the enemy of the good”. Lesson here, don’t quickly write comments before leaving for Church!Marie
We do the best for our children, and it is not the same best for each family, for each mother, for each child.You are an awesome mother, no matter how Mary eats.
well said..i breast fed 5 & bottle fed 5 for various reasons..is there any difference? No..except 2 of the breast-fed have eczema!.Moms should do what they feel is right for their baby. No political correctness..St Thereses mother could only feed 3..the rest including therese went to a wet-nurse for 14 months..Zelie could only visit therese once a week..let’s not judge..bottle fed babies can become saints too!
Marie, thank you for giving yourself a name.Last week was a rough week emotionally, but I feel things are getting better.
I agree with you Michelle. So many women tend to judge what other mothers are doing. Maybe they have good intentions, but the person on the recieving end doesn’t always get the “good” in those intentions.There are so many things that women have made “issues” that no matter how you are raising your children, you are bound to come upon at least a few of these. Some that quickly come to mind are: working outside vs. inside mothers, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, crying vs. no crying sleeping, family bed vs. independent sleepers…the list could go on and on.What we SHOULD be doing, is seeing what other women are trying to do for their families, and applauding their efforts. We are all mothers, and our children’s best interests are our top priorities. However, what works for one family or child, may not work for another family.Anyway, off my soap-box now. I am keeping you and your little ones in my prayers. Please continue to keep us posted on how little Mary is doing. God bless!
Michelle,I’m not sure where this discussion took place, I only know that I had to deal with it personally here, locally.I was not able to nurse my babies – the thought is now that the docs think I might not have the glands – but despite that, I tried desperately.And I cried, when I couldn’t.Then to be insulted by those who disagreed with bottle feeding!Oy.God compensated for so many things.My children are very intelligent and in almost 11 years, we’ve only had one earache.God Bless you.