To: all family members

From: The Lady of the House and the Laundry Mistress

re: laundry

1. Please allow a minimum of 24 hours for all special laundry requests.

2. Please reduce the need for special laundry requests by taking dirty laundry to any of the appropriate “dirty laundry” receptacles located in the house.

a. The main laundry receptacle is located in the laundry room. Even the floor is acceptable, if the proper receptacle is full, or if you are too lazy or ignorant to sort your laundry.

b. The master laundry receptacle is located in the master bathroom.

c. The kids’ laundry receptacle is located in the upstairs hall bathroom.

d. Please ask for further assistance if you are unable to locate the appropriate receptacles or if you desire knowledge about proper laundry sorting.

3. If special laundry requests are necessary, gifts and favors for the Laundry Mistress are acceptable and prevent the need to extend the special laundry request time frame to 48 hours notice.

a. Appropriate gifts and favors include, but are not limited to: appreciative remarks, hugs and kisses, flowers, cash and diamonds.

b. Rude or obnoxious behavior or additional special requests of the Lady of the House will result in a termination of your special laundry request and bar you for a period of at least one week, but not to exceed one month, from any special requests.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

And for goodness sake, if you give the Laundry Mistress a special request, please at least pretend to need those clothes after all.

4 thoughts on “memo

  1. I have to admit that I was very quick to abdicate my role as Laundry Mistress. Every child’s room is equipped with one white laundry hamper and one dark laundry hamper. By the time the kids were in 6th grade, they were responsible for doing their own. Only my husband now enjoys the luxury of the “underwear fairy”. Clean underwear just magically appears in his drawers on a regular basis. Imagine that!

  2. I am TOTALLY printing that out and distributing it among the members of my family who are old enough to read.But in my case, appropriate gifts would also include “chocolate.” Particularly Milky Ways, or anything expensive.

  3. Yeah, duh, chocolate is way better than diamonds. But I prefer Snickers or Twix or, ooh, Belgian or German imports…Denise, it was my husband’s request for me to wash his uniforms (machine wash – hang to dry) that inspired this memo. I found 2 out of 3 uniforms on the floor of the closet (he was wearing the 3rd) instead of with the laundry. Had they been thrown in the laundry, they would have been already done, since I’m now doing just fine on keeping up with his sock demand.

  4. I love this. How true, how true.How many times have I been howled at because someone has no socks, underwear or school pants, yet my laundry bins are empty and I actually think I am on top of things?How many times have I done emergency loads to accomodate these situations, at the expense of the general well-being of my house (and attitude!)?Too many to count. You inspire me to find a new system!

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