It wasn’t that long ago that I was still nursing Peter to sleep. We gradually tapered things off, but shortly before his birthday at the end of June, we stopped. That was, what, eight weeks ago, perhaps? Not a long time, but it seems like forever.
From the ashes of our breastfeeding time rose our pre-sleep snuggle time. At night, in a dark and quieting house, I would sing him a song and rock him for 5 minutes or so, then follow an exact tuck-in procedure: carefully positioning his little puppy next to him, placing his blankie just right over him and the puppy, turning on the little birdies that sing Beethoven (always after asking him), singing one last stanza of whatever I had been singing before, and then I would tell him goodnight and that I had to finish the dishes now (even if they were all done). He would happily hug his puppy and smile a goodnight and drift off to sleep.
In the afternoon, it would be harder for him to settle down with the sunlight streaming in and the distant sounds of his siblings having fun without him. But it would only take about ten minutes of gentle swishing in the glider rocker, and he would be fast asleep. None of my older four children ever enjoyed being rocked for longer than a few minutes, and it was a pleasant surprise when he started doing it.
An obnoxious voice in my head tried to tell me that rocking him to sleep was establishing a bad habit that I would have a hard time breaking. Years ago, I might have heeded that voice, or at least it would have caused anxiety as I fretted over managing his nap time routine while caring for the upcoming newborn. But I am older and wiser now. I pooh poohed that voice, reminding myself that rocking babies is the stuff that lullabies are made of and permitting myself to fully indulge in the pleasure of a toddler hugging me tightly as his little head grows heavy on my chest.
And I knew it wouldn’t last long.
As surely as all change is, my gentle rocking ceased to soothe his excited and active body to sleep. I’m not sure how long it’s been, maybe as long as two weeks; transitions with children play havoc with a mother’s sense of time. Five days can seem like five weeks or even five months as we fight our way to new routines. I’ve been leaving him to get himself to sleep for his nap (sometimes with disastrous results). Soon, he’ll be out of the crib, and it will be another wild adventure as he learns how to rest despite the temptation to wander.
I’ve missed the rocking.
On Friday, Jenny wasn’t feeling well and by evening it was clear that she had some virus. She went to bed with a fever after napping most of the afternoon. Around 1:30 am, Pete woke up crying fitfully. He, too, had a fever. After a 40 minute bedside vigil, I brought him into my bed where I hoped we could both get some rest. Instead, he spent the next two hours rolling and fussing and kicking one parent or the other. Finally, I put him back to bed where he fell into a deep sleep and stayed there until nearly 10 am yesterday morning. The rest did him good, and he awoke with no signs of illness (Jenny spent the day on the couch).
Naturally, there was no chance this child would take a nap, and I didn’t even bother. But after dinner, he started getting cranky, and I decided an early bedtime was appropriate. He didn’t protest, but with the din of a household not yet ready for bedtime, I opted to see if rocking him would help him block out those noises.
He snuggled in my arm, taking a few minutes to find a spot around his unborn sibling who now takes up most of my lap. Within minutes his little body had completely relaxed and his head became a heavy weight on my shoulder. And still, I held him, not ready to let go of this moment.
It is not the child for whom this is a hard habit to break; it’s the mother.
Reit This Way 
SO true! I still love sitting “in a pile” with Little Brother on the couch, both of us covered up in an afghan hand-knitted by my great-aunt, with my arm around him and his head on my shoulder getting heavier as he gets sleepier. Bad habit? Yes, in terms of getting him to settle down on his own–and with our age spread & level of activity, that’s a tough job. But not a habit I’m willing to trade in. We both need that cuddle time.
so true, so true.Your post left me all misty eyed….thanks for the reminder to keep cuddling them!
Oh, yes. I always cry a little at each new stage of a child’s life. I’m excited about the growth, to be sure, but sad about what is lost in the process. That’s why I like having babies; I get to keep doing it all over again.
Yes, Jennie, why I keep having babies…
So true. I never thought rocking a baby could be a bad habit for either one. But you’re right about how hard it is to let go. Hard in a way– sort of bittersweet. There’s a satisfaction too, don’t you think, in seeing them grow and mature and continue to move toward the goal. One day they’re leaving the rocking chair, the next they’re leaving home. (But they do still come back.) Now I’m all teary.
So sweet. All my girls liked to rock and cuddle. Corey was the only one who gave that up quickly. He became a daddy’s boy and wanted to go upstairs for bedtime with daddy and his big sister – afraid he would miss something I think. It’s why I too keep having babies, but also why I’m looking forward to having grandchildren – someday. With 5 kids I figure I should I get a bunch. Plenty to cuddle and rock and spoil. Right now I have the 2 year old and the baby cuddling on me at bed time on our rocking love seat – a very good investment. I hate days when we are out and about and I don’t get to sit and rock and cuddle my baby for a nap. Bad sleep habit – probably – but it is too sweet to give up!
True confession: my almost six year old son still sometimes lets me rock him to sleep during the day. He and his sister (my three year old) seldom take naps anymore, but sometimes, on one of those rare days, we ALL need naps, so after nursing Meghan to sleep and placing her in her crib, I’ll rock Caitlyn (who is usually asleep within minutes), lay her down, and then let Dylan climb up to rock. He’s so tall now that he really has to snuggle down to make himself comfortable, but when he does, he, too falls asleep quickly. I always hate to set him down. I know these days are numbered. And I still remember how sweet it was to rock him when he was about Pete’s age, with his small body curved around the swell of by baby belly. I never realized, in those moments, just how quickly the time would pass.I loved this post so much, Michelle. Thank you. You are so blessed!
So true!
Ahhh… baby love. I rock Mary Claire to sleep every night and will keep rocking her long after she is in a deep slumber. My husband will peek his head in the room and say “lay her down and come watch TV” I never do though-soon she will be walking and then she will go away to college. It goes by much too fast…
My just turned six year old son needs his *rocking time* every day. :*) I’m so thankful he still likes to be cuddled.Just tonight he climbed into my lap, squnched himself into a tiny ball saying, “You’re toasty warm and I’m toasty cold.” 🙂
My mom warned me that rocking my son to sleep (he’s 20 months) would only create a bad habit, but I chose not to listen. I’m an adult now so I can do that! 🙂 It’s my absolute favorite time of the day. His body never stops moving during his awake time so I cherish these fleeting nights and nap times with his soft body curved around mine. The way he gazes in my eyes I’ll never forget! I hope I have years of this ahead of me!-Andrea
What a great post and so very, VERY TRUE.My youngest is one who loves to be rocked. I have a big LaZBoy chair in her room that we listen to the fish sounds and do “rocky-rocky”. I know I will be sad when the day comes that she won’t need me for that … ’cause this Mommy will really be missing it.