All in all, the weekend was great.
The kids behaved as usual at Mass on Friday, but my chipper attitude got me through it. I was a little upset when Katie face-planted in the parking lot while running to the van to go home. She put a huge hole in brand-new tights. These happen to be really expensive tights that I sprung for because they claim to be durable enough to hand down to younger siblings. They are not asphalt-proof.
{sigh}
At the two parties, the children were charming. Even Petey permitted some strangers to hold him for brief periods.
Not so amusing, though, is the talk I hear of my husband remaining in this job for the next 18 months. My steel-blue eyes were glinting at him like daggers in a streetlight, and he, not having heard what I heard, began voicelessly protesting his innocence to whatever crime he was accused. Later, he insisted that he was really going off to school this coming summer, really. Even later, he admitted that his future was really out of his hands, really.
argh.
Yesterday at Mass, Jenny made it until the homily before asking to go to the bathroom. I took Pete with me. The bathroom is right next to the nursery, so I went there and signed both of them up for the free babysitting hoping that Pete would be happy to stay if Jenny was with him. I went back to church and Father was still giving his homily. I don’t know what I missed, but I got there just in time to hear him bring up a really sore topic: holding hands during the Our Father.
Our last parish only on rare occasions would request the parishoners to hold hands during this prayer, but, for the most part, our kids were wholly unfamiliar with this practice. When we moved here nearly two years ago, we realized that this was the expected behavior. Had it been just Bill and I, or if the kids had been older, we might have taken a stand against it. But I was afraid that the children would appear disrespectful of adults if they refused to hold hands, and there was no way we could have reasonably ensured that we, the parents, were always on the outer edges of our family group.
Father, who has been here for less than 6 months, very charitably explained that holding hands during the Our Father was improper. He also said he knew that he was going to be very unpopular for prohibiting it, but he was anyway. Bill and I could barely contain our glee.
I sent Father an email later on in the day thanking him for his actions. He had mentioned in his homily that even though people would be upset with the ban on holding hands, there were also people who were upset with holding hands to begin with. Fortunately, Bill and I are not the types to walk away from the Church because of the inappropriate actions of a priest or a congregation, but many do walk away. I spoke with a friend after CCD, and she confessed to being very sad. She had no idea that it was wrong, and there is some sense of betrayal for having been lead astray for 30 years. Even though the truth is hard to hear, praise God that my pastor is courageous enough to speak it!
Pete and Jenny did not do well in babysitting. When I retreived them 40 minutes later, Pete was crying and Jenny asked me with a teary face why I left them there. Yes, I’m a meany. I left them in a room filled with toys and books for less than an hour. I denied them a crowded pew with no toys, books with no pictures, and constant shushings from grownups.
{sigh}
I guess I shouldn’t complain. It’s nice to be loved.
Reit This Way 
I totally agree with you about the hand holding at the Our Father. We have always felt uncomfortable to do it, but have literally had our hands grabbed away from our bodies in order that we might also participate. At our parish, people even link across the aisles – it is quite distracting!
My husband and I can fight it, but now our children are old enough to copy it, but not old enough to understand why we don’t do it. So we have again felt forced into it at least so we won’t confuse our children (we do want them to participate at Mass!). I am not sure what we should do next!
Mind giving me a little history about the hand holding thing? Ever since I can remember (age 3 or 4), we have always held hands during the Our Father in our parish. Was that a Vatican II thing? What changed?
Michele – pray for a new, courageous pastor!
Nicole – according to our new, courageous pastor, hand holding during the Our Father was introduced after AA members began doing it at the close of their meetings…somehow it got filtered in and was permitted by touchy-feely priests in the 70s. It is an add-in that was never a part of the Mass ever. In the meantime, my new and courageous pastor is lamenting that things have been omitted that were never meant to be left out – such as stricking the breast during the Penitential Rite and bowing during the Creed. I’m 35 and have never been taught these things. That’s what the bishops are finally setting out to try and fix, but it’s up to the pastors to preach, teach and enforce.
I’m sorry about the tights, and glad that Mass went relatively well.
Okay now I’m really curious to know who your Preist is? Are you attending at a military chapel? There’s a few Preist who I wish I could relocate just to know what they’re up to…I always thought holding hands was a Catholic thing…which was why, since I was raised Lutheran, I wasn’t comfortable, since Lutheran’s are total touch me nots. So I’m finally somewhat used to this holding hands thing and now you’re telling me it’s not allowed?!?!
Our Father (one of the rare married convert Preist from the Anglican church) is very devote towards traditions and has ruffled a few feathers himself, but he’s never attacked hand holding. He’s insisted on adding the rosary to the begining of Mass, discussed the importance of postures during certain parts of the creed and just before receiving, added some latin litergical singing (kyrie?), and such and such…but from what I can decifer it’s not going to make a difference if one hand holds or not. I think we did receive a talk once about how some folks are sensitive to touchy feely stuff and that we’re not to force it upon anyone. Most folks just hold there hands in the air and wait for a hand if one cares to give it. Perhaps a compromise like that would have been a softer approach, and it really does work to keep everyone in their comfort zone. I rarely hold hands with anyone during the Our Father as I seat myself in an area not densly populated and I’m usually hands full with kids anyhow.
I’m glad you’re happy though, I’d hate to hear he was ruffling your feathers. 🙂 Some folks do leave for the most selfish of reasons.
Angoraknitter – I think military chapels are the big offenders in this area. I do go to the chapel here on post. The churches off post are fantastic, but I really try to attend close to home even if I grit my teeth the whole time.
So rest your convert heart easy: you are right for not holding hands. I too have had elbows and shoulders grabbed when my hands were full with a child. So annoying.
Sounds like you have a great priest too.
What a great experience! To those who think the kids wouldn’t understand, I would say—they might surpirse you! Our kids range in age from 8-2 and have known for quite a while why we don’t hold hands.
As a side note, the argument I have heard most in favor of hand holding is the “it is the most special prayer of the Mass because Jesus gave it to us” argument. My husband shuts that one down by reminding people that the whole Mass is a prayer and the most perfect one that can be prayed.
There is another side to this coin. I loathe being in a situation where the congregation resembles a giant game of Twister during the Our Father. However, because until now we have always been in parishes where hand-holding is the norm, our family norm for twenty years has been to hold hands during the Our Father.It feels very cold to suddenly refuse the hand of my teen during the Our Father. As kids get older those warm physical contact times get fewer and fewer so I am not going to worry if siblings and parents hold hands.
It seems to be that way among many of the families in our parish. There is discreet hand holding among family groups but no one outside my family reaches out and grabs my hand nor do I make any effort to grab someone else’s hand. When I am at daily Mass I don’t hold hands with those around me. This seems to be a sensible approach for now.
Many many thanks for the explination! That shed some serious light.
Our Pastor is a young and very traditional priest and I for one am very happy to have had him for the last 3 years. He has adhered to tradition and instituted a Latin mass(which I have grown to love). Thank you Lord…