At the family picnic on Saturday, Bill got cornered by 4 or 5 aunts and uncles talking theology, specifically women as priests.
Thank goodness they were his aunts and uncles and not mine.
Bill does not consider himself a strong defender of the faith. Like many Catholics, he believes it, but can’t explain it. He found himself alone, and struggling, in trying to explain the Church’s position. He tried to lasso me once for help, but I walked past him, oblivious to his plight.
Now the relatives with whom he argued are not bad people. They just have strong opinions, have reasoned through a few issues that relate to the Church, and have found the Church dreadfully outdated for the 21st century. If you are like me, and have struggled often with this one deadly sin as I have, you will recognize that the issue here is one of pride. After all, how could somebody so intelligent have faulty reasoning? If you get paid big bucks to make decisions that affect thousands of employees and stockholders, it is very difficult to imagine that you might be wrong.
Fortunately, these are not the sort of people who would actually leave the Church because they disagree with a few things. So the line of arguing was more one of “If I were Pope” rather than “The whole Catholic Church is wrong and that’s why I joined the Episcopalians.” Nevertheless, Bill felt that he didn’t do enough to convince them of The Truth.
Finally, Bill managed to get my attention. His dad had joined the discussion, helping Bill, and all but one uncle had moved on to catch up with other relatives. This uncle asked me if I thought women should be priests and was somewhat surprised to hear me say no. He demanded me to defend my position in half sentences of no more than 5 words while being interrupted constantly by his counter arguments. And then he finally declared me “narrow-minded.”
My feathers were not ruffled in the slightest.
In fact, I thought it rather amusing.
Bill, though, was not happy. On the way home we discussed it, and I told him that he can’t expect to see an “Ah-ha!” moment – one where someone finally concedes defeat in an argument and is forever a changed person. In discussions like this, the best you could hope for is to plant a seed and provide enough fertilizer that gives the seed a fighting chance. Germination and growth will occur slowly, and it’s highly unlikely you will ever see the fruit of your labor.
Heck, he was living with me and didn’t see my ah-ha moment.
As for this uncle and this argument, we had a circular discussion. He brought up points which I countered with the same line of reasoning that he couldn’t get around: Jesus ordained only men at the Last Supper; we can not guess His intent, so we can only imitate His actions and do the same; Jesus is God and is not constrained by protocol of His time (as demonstrated by His special treatment of women which drew criticism from others); Jesus taught the Apostles other things not specified in the Bible (that is specifically stated in the Gospels), and the Apostles did not ordain women either. If he’s anything like me, this uncle may spend some time trying to find counterpoints to this line of reasoning. Perhaps he may find some twists in logic to satisfy his soul.
Or perhaps he will follow a path and one day have an “ah-ha” moment like me.
Reit This Way 
< HREF="http://catholic-mom.blogspot.com/2006/03/to-be-catholic-means-to-accept-church.html" REL="nofollow">My long answer is here, in a post from March<>. The shorter answer is more of a question. Are your relatives (in-laws) claiming the Church is wrong and they are just going to ignore this particular tenet of faith with which they disagree? It is one thing to admit you don’t fully understand the reasoning of the Church’s position and then setting out to study and reflect and even debate the issue, hoping to reconcile your opinion with the Church. It is quite another to presume your opinion is superior to the 2000 years of wisdom of the Church and therefore trumps Church teaching. You are so right when you say pride is a big obstacle to accepting Church teaching.
I, too, agree that the “ah-ha” moment isn’t even a moment, rather it’s a process. An “ah-ha process”. Good for you and your willingness to speak the truth. Even when others may try to shut us out, we need to be able to speak Christ’s love to them and pray for them– as we shake our heads in discouragement. I am learning this with extended family right now. I just have to pray for them. That seems to be the ONLY think that has made a drastic difference in areas of trouble in my life. Ahhh…..the work of following Him. I guess He did warn us that it wouldn’t be easy.God bless your husband.
Yeah- its Barb again- writing as Michelle…Anyway, I was just thinking that I spend a bunch of my time telling my kids something, having them question it and then saying, “Why can you not just accept that I know what I am talking about? Must you always question what I say?” I often wonder if God looks down on us and says the same thing.
Oh, if only everybody were so “narrow-minded”!God bless you and your husband for doing your part to share His truth…and prayers for your in-laws eventual “ah-ha” moment.
Barb, if you ever get tired of pretending to be me, you can choose “other” as your identity when you post a comment. And yes, I’m qute certain that all of our frustrations with our own children are in the image and likeness of God’s frustrations with us.CM: I’m pretty sure they think they are wiser than 2000 years of Church teaching. Many people disassociate the Church from Christ and see the Church as man-made, and therefore full of as many flaws as we humans are. They just haven’t learned that the infallibility of the Church comes, not so much in one Pope’s random encyclical, but in the Apostolic tradition handing down directly from Christ through the Apostles.
Pope John Paul II has a fantastic grouping of documents and talks in a booklet titled The Genius of Women. It takes a look at this question.More importantly, he recognizes the differences between men and women and he praises women for the many gifts they have to offer to the church.I found it encouraging and inspiring as I read it right before I quit teaching to become a stay at home mom with my first child.