I have a toddler. That means I have to ask first for instructions before doing anything lest I do it incorrectly and offend his sensibilities. There are times when I’m not in a good mood and I just say, “This is how it is…deal with it.” I usually come to regret that. It’s a phase; eventually children become a bit more flexible. Until then, I will continue to have morning conversations like this:

“Petey, want a waffle for breakfast?”

Head nod.

“One…or two?”

He shows me three fingers.

“Nah, buddy, there’s only room in the toaster for two…let’s start with two, OK?”

He nods. I take two waffles out of the freezer.

“See here…look: one…two!” I show him two waffles. “OK, I’m putting them in the toaster now.”

In they go.

“Now, a plate…is this one OK or do you want the blue one?”

He points. The waffles pop up.

“Alrighty, then. Two waffles. Do you want me to cut them?”

Head nod.

“OK…do you want them in strips for dipping or in pieces for eating with a fork?”

Confused babble.

“Strips, Petey? With a bowl of syrup? How about this bowl, the yellow one?”

“No bowl. Cut it up.”

“OK, cut it up and then you’ll eat it with a fork?”

Head nod.

I cut the waffles into strips. “Strips, Petey? Or cut them more?”

“More.”

“Like this?” I demonstrate with my knife the direction of the cross cut.

Head nod.

“OK…syrup in a bowl or on top?”

“On the bottom.”

“On the bottom?” I am unfamiliar with what “on the bottom” could mean.

“On the bottom.”

“Uh, how about you show me where?” I pick up the syrup. “Where should I pour it?”

“Here.” He points to a part of the plate open between pieces.

“OK…”

“And here.” Another empty spot. “And here.” Another empty spot.

“How about here?” I point to the last empty spot.

Head nod.

“OK, let’s go to the table.”

Head nod.

Happy kid, happy mom. Happy soul in purgatory?