Attention: Residents of Hell.

I issue this severe winter weather watch for Friday, March 14th. Fritz is eating macaroni and cheese of his own free will and desire. In recent months, there has been an increased trend for him to actually sample different foods without crying, moaning, or tightening his throat muscles. He even admits to liking some of them. Preliminary research has linked this phenomenon to the sudden, brief drops in temperature in your area. The science suggests that if the trend continues, permanent climate changes may become a reality. In the short term, expect some frost and the possibility of some flurries.