Early in our marriage, Bill and I realized that we simply could not afford to waste money on frivolous gifts for each other when there were things we truly wanted or needed and could barely afford. It would be silly for me to buy him a Cheesehead, when he really needed another dress shirt for work. I got little joy out of a beautiful knick knack when I really wanted a non-stick skillet for my eggs (fried over easy).
Growing up and even now, my mother complains about how my dad shops for her for Christmas. He wants a list. He takes her list, hits the bank for cash, and then goes to the mall and goes down the list getting her everything on it. She hates that. I can see her point to some degree. Most women I know foolishly expect our men to read our minds and just “know us.” It is just so romantic to have our sweetheart find a perfect gift and surprise us with it.
But most men I know are like my dad. They don’t want the pressure of finding the perfect gift. They don’t enjoy or have the time to spend hours in the mall scouring the clearance rack for a great deal. And since most women, when shopping for themselves, make several trips back and forth to the dressing room, critically eying the length of the skirt or the tightness of the hips or the plunge of the neckline, and discarding half the selected items, it is small wonder that any man who has witness that scene would ever have the confidence to pick out something and expect his wife to be happy with it.
I have tried to defend my dad to my mom and tell her that his shopping for her in that manner is an act of love. Here she has told him her heart’s desire and there he goes to fulfill it. What more could (should) any woman want?
Fortunately for my husband, I am much more pragmatic. For our recent anniversary, I bought myself a Bissel carpet cleaner and then thanked him for his generosity. Usually, though, I tell him what I want and let him buy it. The year he was in Kosovo, he bought me a blender/food processor. He actually bragged to his buddies that his wife requested a blender for the occasion. And I was happy. I let him shop (online) for it, and he spent a good deal of time researching features and reading reviews to make sure he got me a really good one. He picked one that was far superior to any I may have considered myself. Now that’s love.
So, this month, I am looking at how I spend our money and am trying to begin shopping for Christmas with an eye on how I may be wasting money. I think the system my husband and I have, where we each write a long list of things we’d like including size and color if appropriate (we mark catalogs), and then we set a budget, and then we are free to shop off the other’s person’s list within the budget, is a nice blend of getting things you’d like but still having a surprise. And in recent years when money has been less tight, we’ve each felt a bit freer to get one or two things that are not on the list but we think the other would like.
But I have not been quite as spend-thrifty when it comes to the kids. Stocking-stuffers are my big downfall where I know I spend too much money on little things that they don’t care too much about. I want those stockings to be full, but I don’t want them full of candy, so I fill them with stuff. Maybe this year, I’ll fill them with nuts and buy a nutcracker (a real one) and introduce my children to the inexpensive and time-consuming pastime of working for your snack.
Also, I need to move fast and think hard about some deals that are too good to miss. We always buy books for Christmas time. I received this email a few days ago:
Borders Books will honor educators during “Educator Savings Days,”Thursday-Tuesday, October 12-17. During this time, educators will receive a 25 percent discount on books, music and gift items, and a 20 percent discount on DVDs. (Normal exceptions apply.) The discounts are available for items purchased for personal as well as professional use. Current and retired teachers, librarians, school employees, principals, homeschoolers, instructors, trainers, and other educators are eligible.
If I do an hour of hard thinking, I should be able to come up with a shopping list for my nearest and dearest, including nephew and nieces. A 25% discount is hard to beat, and since I know I will be buying books anyway, I think it would be a waste of money to wait another month to shop.
I’d like to hear from you. What goes in those Christmas stockings? Do you and your husband have a good system for buying gifts for each other, or is Christmas a big disappointment for you both? And who has started shopping already?
Also, I’m looking for some good ideas for the kids to make for each other and others. I’ve thought about the boys picking out cookie recipes (we have a great book with pictures) and baking them to send to grandparents and to our deployed friends and to wrap and give to each other. I’ve thought that even my 3 year old can dip pretzels in chocolate for a yummy present. Any other ideas?
Reit This Way 
Love the Nutcracker idea! Especially since mine have been enamored with the ballet lately!
we start our gift giving on St Nicholas day. The children put out their shoes and each child receives gold foil covered chocolate coins and an ornament for the Christmas tree.For Christmas they each get three gifts (sometimes a few small things are wrapped as one gift) and in their stocking they get a new toothbruh and a small gift (these items are the only things from Santa) usually under $10 and many times it has been a book or CD since that is what my older kids mostly like and want.
I fill our stockings with little arts and crafts supplies – new paints, brushes, playdough, markers, etc. My mom also used to fill the stocking with new toothbrushes, socks, and such – not really exciting, but very practical!As for my husband and I, we are very similiar to you guys. We each have a list of several things that we would really like, and the other shops from the list. The digital camera I got one year for my birthday and the tile kitchen floor we put down for our anniversary another year were much better gifts for me than the jewelry his coworkers had suggested!
We have small gifts on Dec 6th, too – gold-foil wrapped chocolate, a special Advent present (one year it was a Fisher-Price nativity set), and a letter from St. Nick reminding them to get ready for baby Jesus.Christmas Day has one present from mom and one present from dad under the tree…plus things sent in the mail from relatives, which makes it rather obscene. The stockings are from Santa…which is why I think I’m eager to go overboard there.We also do little things on the different feast days following Christmas: Holy Innocents they usually get an inexpensive puzzle, Holy Family we may all get a game (last year it was Sorry!), New Year’s is a book. For Epiphany, we usually give a toy or something more substantial than a puzzle, but not as big a deal as Christmas.Altogether, it’s still probably less than what many kids get, but a decent pile if it were all under the tree at once. Thank goodness presents for 7 people, even if it’s just two or three things per each, make for a HUGE pile in front of the tree. I’m always impressed!
How weird, I (Mary Poppins NOT) have a real name, and it’s Renee, and although I didn’t write the post above by renee, I sure could have. It’s exactly what I was going to say!! Wow, from one Renee to another, St. Nicholas, pray for us!
Our stockings don’t always get stuffed full…My MIL likes to stuff the stockings with fruit, nuts, and toblerone. Of course she also made new underwear and socks stocking stuffers too. My mom used to buy tooth brushes and silly toilettries.
i put some candy along with practical items like pencils, pens, new underwear or socks, etc. in the stockings. (Socks and underwear take up a lot of space. I hang a candycane over the edge so they can see it first.Gifts from hubby? I always tell him what I would like– sometimes a few things to choose from. Sometimes I tell the kids to tell him. I know it’s really not possible for him to figure it out himself. He could try but if I really want something I’ll like, he needs a little help.
Michelle,Thanks for the great suggestion about Borders! I am sending my mother-in-law (a retired teacher) the information right now!For Christmas, we decided last yeart to limit our children’s gifts to 3. Total. Just three. –reminiscent of the three gifts from the wisemen. ( Santa always brings one thing, unwrapped and ready for them to wake up to Christmas morning). Stockings are always filled with lots of fruit and practical things like themed toothbrushes, vitamins, and any craft item that is running low.I really like the idea of giving gifts on the Feast of St. Nicholas, as well. I love the advent calendars and I think we’ll make our own wreath this year. How fun!My husband and I still surprise each other, but we also have a list of things that the other would like so that we at least have an IDEA where to start. It’s amazing how practical we have become since having children! I must say, though, that there is sometheing EXTREMELY romantic about your husband researching, looking through consumer reports, and then buying you that beautiful and shiny red Kitchenaid you’ve been wanting for two years. 😉 That might have been the best Christmas present of all last year.
I hate stockings. Last year, we moved stockings to St. Nicholas Day and we used…real socks! They’re small, but a bit too small, so we may adjust a bit this year. We, too, all submit lists to give each other ideas at the very least. Some items are very specific (and I even tell my beloved where to buy it for the best price) and some have lots of leeway. And I’ve already started shopping. 😀
Since you are gearing up for Christmas… checking out shops and malls and drawing up lists..heres some more cool and innovative stuff..that might help you shop ideas …you can peep into my Holiday Blog for checking thm out!!