I just got a forwarded email about Kotex-brand feminine products which apparently were offering tips on the pull-off adhesive backing strips for how to have a better, healthier time of the month. I can not confirm or deny the existence of these friendly ideas, since I don’t use that brand. According to the email, drinking extra water, avoiding caffeine, and getting exercise were all suggested as ways to feel better.

You can imagine that the female author of this email was not in support of these tips and felt that eating chocolate, curling up in a fetal position and crying was a much better way to handle the hormonal cycles. The author also suggested that providing Pamprin and a shot of Bourbon in the packages (which she also felt should be plainly wrapped and not all colorful and flowery) was a much better marketing tool…and she considered switching to the Always brand instead.

Well, I happen to use the Always brand when I need to, and I can tell you that a few weeks ago, I was pretty annoyed by what I found on their adhesive-backing strips:

“Have a happy period.”

WHAT?

Who in the world thought THAT was a good idea to put there?

First of all, even if you happen to be grateful that you are not pregnant, exactly what is happy about shedding your uterine lining? Cramping, bloating, mood swings…and I’m really not going to get into details about the blood, since I’m sure that 99% of the people who read this blog know what I’m talking about.

This is not a happy time, even if, as I said, you are happy to not be pregnant.

And then it got me thinking about how many many women are NOT happy to not be pregnant. How many women who peel that adhesive-backing are actually very sad that they have not conceived? How many women have suffered through years of infertility and every period is a reminder of what they don’t have?

How many women are suffering a miscarriage when they see those words? So sorry you lost a baby…but turn that frown upside down! Ridiculous.

I can just imagine the conference room and the ad guys and gals hanging around and brainstorming over take-out Chinese. You know, Kotex has these cute little tips on their adhesive-backings…we need to come up with something too. And then they think of their customers: females between the ages of 13 to 50 – a very disparate group. And yes, likely, a very high percentage of these females (I really can’t call a 13 year old a women) are not seeking pregnancy (hopefully zero percent of those between the ages of 13 and 18 are). In fact, perhaps, these ad people don’t know anybody who really wants to be pregnant.

Children are, after all, such a burden…

Well, I second the motion to add a little shot of Bourbon to each package. That, and maybe a prayer card for patience with annoying packaging…